When passion turns to dread

Earlier this month I posted a rant about the unjoys of Christmas which included a list of random scribblings in my paper journal that lives by my side most of the time.

In that list was this item:

  • Email from 2013 reply RV

Let’s take a ride with Rod Taylor in my time machine back to 1986.

I am 15 years old. I have a blonde perm, a job at Coles and a penchant for acid wash denim, high top sneakers and old tuxedo jackets, along with a massive crush on a slightly older boy from the posh school up the road.

I met this boy through another boy I had kissed – kissing boy introduced me to New Crush and his very lovely sister, and we all became the kind of friends you become at 15, 16 and 17.

I was never a comfortable teen. I struggled with communicating with people and all I wanted was hugs and adventure. And to leave home, become a bohemian and kiss lots and lots of people while making brilliant art.

Anyway… New Crush took a bit of an interest in me, which I responded to ardently. He was beautiful, not pretty as such, but interesting looking with a car and two great big dogs, and he was deliciously difficult to understand. He would pursue me, then when I reciprocated, he retreated.

He drove me mad.

I listened to lots of John Lennon and David Bowie to try and find answers.

And then one day he just wasn’t available at all and his beautiful sister broke the news that he didn’t want to be my boyfriend at all. At. All.

Ah well, I got over it pretty quickly and got on with my life.

Let’s get in the time machine again, kiss Rod Taylor on his chiseled cheek and have him drop us off at 1990

I had been out of home for a couple of years and only returned this particular summer to meet up with my bestie who was just back from living in the UK. My fella and I had taken a love break and I found myself single, a student and back in my home town for the summer.. ugh.

Bestie and I hit the local pub one night to experience the local wildlife we had escaped a couple of years previously.

Among the throng, I spotted two people. One was Anthony, who was my very best friend when I was 4 and 5, we had gone through primary school together but had not seen each other for many years. There were hugs and cheek kisses and delighted squeals. The other one was New Crush.

New Crush looked beautiful and more than a little squiffy.

We talked a while out on the pavement, him swaying on his feet and asking how I had managed to escape this town.

Me asking why he ran away from me back then

In purely male logic, he told me he ran away from me because he liked me too much.

Firstly, my home town has a train line that runs directly to the state’s capital city. It takes about 2 hours and 10 minutes to the main station and at the time cost $1.75 return. I left home with 10 dollars in my pocket and worked it out from there. New Crush, as mentioned, had money and a car… no excuses.

Secondly… if you like someone ‘too much’ talk to them and work it out. Or get to know them better and realise you like them just enough or not much at all.

Anyway, after much silly talk on the pavement, I told him to give me a call, I was staying with my parents, he knew where they lived and the phone number – I said I would be around for a couple more weeks, and maybe we could hang out.

Later that night, Bestie and I wandered back to my parent’s house and watched Rage in the back lounge room

Around 2am I heard a knock at the back door off the kitchen.

When I opened the door, there was a fella I had never seen before, so pissy pants he was wobbling all over the place. He said… slurred… that New Crush would like to speak with me.

Out the front.

My parent’s room was at the front of the house.

No. No. I am not going out to the street at 2 in the morning to speak to my ex crush near my mum and dad’s bedroom.

Go away

Tell him to call in the daytime

I shut the door and told Bestie all about it.

Another knock.

Pissed fella once again… insistent

So Bestie, who is built like a brick supermarket, with wild eyes and a beard that made him look like he’s not yet finished eating the bear whole, stepped out for a quiet word with New Crush.


I never saw New Crush again.


I had always carried a small flame for him though.

I was never able to get a proper answer out of Bestie about their conversation either.

Let’s get back in the time machine one more time with lovely Rod and jump out at 2013

I happened across New Crush’s lovely sister’s face book page which sparked a flood of memories of New Crush and a quick google stalk moment. I have little stamina for such things so gave up very quickly with no trace of New Crush.

I did, however, email his sister just to say Hi. We were, after all, friends for a brief moment in time.

I immediately forgot about it and never heard back from her.

Until last week.

We had a really nice chat session on Facebook and then I saw a picture of a fella on her page with the same name as New Crush, but






Let’s just say I dodged a bullet.

Flame extinguished.


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